Ask Dr Vincins

Join Dr Vincins as she answeres one to one questions in her agony aunt page; Ask Dr Vincins.  She gives frank advice to those seeking answers to dilemmas in relationships and life.   All questions submitted, have been published with permission from participants.  

Humiliated Husband

Humiliated Husband

Dear Dr Vincins,
My wife talks to me like a child and belittles me in front of  others .  How do I handle this?

Dear Humiliated Husband,

                  Communication habits are often created well before a couple are married, and once married, negative behaviours such as the one you are describing can, and do become worse. 

                  First of all, you have to gather your data to gain clarity on how to further understand what is really happening. 

First, pay attention to the frequency these particular situations arise.  Is it daily, monthly, or only during the holidays? 

Second, pay attention to not only the circumstances - who is she doing this in front of, what triggers the situation, and crucially, do you feel humiliated in all situations, or just around certain people (for example your boss)? 

Third, self-reflect into your own early experiences and take inventory of similar experiences when you felt humiliated. 

Lastly, when you and your wife are calm and relaxed, discuss with your wife in a calm and clear demeanour what you have noticed about yourself during these interactions. 

Try not to accuse her, but be thoughtful and self reflecting which will help her to understand the situation from a more compassionate and empathetic position. 

From this, you can successfully open the lines of communication to problem solve if it should arise again.

Dr Vincins

Proud, but not Out!

Proud, but not Out!

Dear Dr Vincins,

I’m in a gay relationship and I live with my partner. My parents are coming to visit, but they do not know that I am gay. What should I do?

Proud, But Not Out

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